The Name

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May brought me here. December never stops to follow me, and I shall never stop chasing after 1224. Kamana School Open. I saw that on a hoarding board from the window next to my seat on a public bus. Some add a deep word before the word that's already deeper making it the deepest in the eyes of a broken pieces. Familiar with cruel noises, used to with dust and aggressive gases; the name is blurred hiding its deep meaning to those lacking enough Vitamin A on their flesh and bones. And I don't lack the A 'cause I can not afford to not see the word and feel it inside deeper than the meaning of the word itself. It should be Kamana Open School instead. The school of feelings. A school that trains the heart to learn and understand the pain of love and love of pain with no restriction, but with an open heart to feel everything the Name has taught you back in life, today, and forever. The name didn't hold much meaning than its actual meaning before I got to feel the real meaning. And now I know the name is something I was unable to understand in depth than its meaning the world explains without feeling it. It was yesterday. Days I can't alter a bit now, but explain. I have touched the name. Every single letter I have felt (them) with these fingers. These fingers have felt every single part of happiness and have questioned me "What else do you need in life?" I always remember I answered, "Nothing more!"


How sure was I when my own fingers subtly asked me something I thought I knew for sure but never knew. Even today, I find myself answering "Nothing more!" to the same old question that never dies.   Yes brother fingers, nothing more! Nothing was felt based on merely how it was touched, just not felt, but transcending the usual experiences of these fingers they ever had, sadly never will, and ok, they never will. If not on those surfaces, 'good that they never will. "Nothing more", a slight, yet much different than the "Nothing more!" these fingers would reply. The previous one was the gratification for everything that was temporary, and the later one is in frustration of everything for actually nothing, oh I don't know, maybe for everything, and everything.


Despite everything, the Earth still chooses not to stop, but keep moving around in its own path with its own pace. The school taught me about how things go on without having to stop. One summer day invites heavy rain. The green leaves on the surrounding exclaim in delight upon striking the water drops on its surface. Do the green leaves not feel pain? Yes, they do. And they find pleasure in the pain that wash away the dust and aggressive gases that have been attached to them for a while. Now the Name on the board can be clearly seen. It's the rain that brought back everything from the past making memories crystal clear once again. I close my eyes. The board is right there showing the Name to the world that sees, but hiding its meaning.


"Nothing more!", once again, something whispers from an unknown direction. I cannot follow if the phrase whispered in gratification or frustration. How do I know the meaning and intention of the phrase that keeps answering even in the absence of the question? Should I join the school that taught me the answers to everything I had once asked in life? I close my eyes and look around and everywhere. I then realize the school is closed for now, and forever. I need to find the meaning from the reference book of everything I have made a solemn oath to myself that I will never forget. I light up the cigarette of nostalgia, take a long drag, and blow away the dust from the book, making letters clear to see, and the memory lane easier to take a trip down. The Earth moves back in anticlockwise direction scan reading everything underlined and overlined in red of longing, red of my life. The red is safe in a small piece of paper, in a small chamber of my heart calling it home. I close my eyes and read all the letters of the Name marked in red lines. The slobbery delicious space between those lines, oh grace, I can pledge my life, I swear. And I realize "Nothing more!"

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